


to live

by heyshawty



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, i'm sorry in advance, markhyuck is a side ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:34:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23859157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyshawty/pseuds/heyshawty
Summary: living is a bit different without you
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32





	to live

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted this to be part 2 of another fic i have in progress, but i just happened to finish this one first. however, it can be read as a stand alone, so there is no background knowledge that has to be known. with that said, please enjoy :)

Jeno blearily cracks open his eyes as the sun shines brightly from behind the shuttered curtains. He stretches quietly, then carefully reaches over Renjun’s sleeping figure next to him to grab his phone from the nightstand.

_ 11:07 _ . He sighs, and allows himself to scroll through social media for approximately five minutes before gently untangling himself from the cocoon of blankets.

Shuffling into the bathroom, Jeno curses as he accidentally rams his hip into the doorframe. He holds his breath, but luckily, no movement is heard from the bedroom.

He takes a quick shower before making his way back into the bedroom. Glancing at the lump on the bed, he sighs in relief to see Renjun still hasn’t awoken from his slumber from Jeno’s tumbling around.

Jeno quietly rummages through his drawers in an attempt to respect Renjun’s sleep time. Unfortunately, Renjun has always been a light sleeper. Pretty soon, he hears some shuffling from the bed.

“Did I wake you up?” He whispers. Something akin to a “no” is heard softly from the mess of pillows as Renjun lazily lifts his head up. Jeno resists the urge to coo at his bed head as Renjun stifles a yawn. 

“Where are you going so early in the morning?” He stretches, wincing slightly at the popping of his joints. 

Jeno smiles and pads over to Renjun, kissing him softly on the forehead. Jeno chuckles as Renjun blushes and weakly smacks him on the shoulder with a pillow. Almost two years of dating, and the other still gets embarrassed over small acts of affection.

“First of all, it’s almost 11:30–so, not that early anymore. Second of all,” Jeno goes back to fixing his belt, “I have lunch with Donghyuck and Mark soon.” Renjun makes a small “ah” sound.

The room is filled with a comfortable silence as Jeno walks back and forth to find some other fitting accessories. Renjun holds a pillow in his arms and watches adoringly at his boyfriend’s figure. Jeno smiles at him through the mirror and clears his throat before grabbing a coat. “Also...it’s been a while. And since it’s the new year, I was thinking about visiting Nana today.”

Renjun bites his lip as he gets a faraway look in his eyes. “Nana...do you want me to come with you?”

Jeno gives him a bittersweet glance. “It’s alright. I know you have other things to do today. Besides, aren’t Chenle and Jisung coming for dinner tonight?”

Renjun snaps out of whatever trance he was in previously and wrinkles his nose in faux disgust, “Right. The demon children.”

Jeno laughs, “They’re not children anymore, Jun. Jisung is a world renowned dancer now, remember?” Renjun sighs, resigned and Jeno smiles softly. He still remembers the days when the two of them, Chenle and Jisung, would run down the halls of their high school, creating chaos wherever they went. Most often, Renjun would have to get them out of trouble, because no matter how tough he tries to seem, he truly cares about their two youngest friends.

Jeno checks his watch to make sure he wasn’t running late. Donghyuck’s biggest pet peeve was tardiness, and would make a big scene if he was even five seconds off the dot.

“I should probably go before Donghyuck flips over a table or something,” Jeno chuckles. Renjun snorts and shoos him away, “Go, go. Even though Donghyuck is my best friend, I won’t argue that he can be a real bitch about alacrity.” 

Jeno waves, and promises to be back in time for dinner. After all, he only gets to see Chenle and Jisung once in a blue moon, and like hell he’s going to miss the one time they’re back. 

He’s got one foot outside when he hears the bedroom door open and Renjun calls out for him.

“Oh, and Jeno?” 

He turns around and sees Renjun’s small, melancholic smile. “Say hi to Nana for me.” 

Jeno arrives at the diner with thirty seconds to spare.

“You’re cutting it close, Lee,” Donghyuck threatens once he sits down. Mark rolls his eyes at his husband and waves. Jeno just laughs at his friend’s antics, knowing that the other was actually really glad to see him. “Nice to see you too, Hyuck.”

He settles into the booth, with a window to his right side and Donghyuck in front of him. It’s been a while since he’d been able to see his friends, but nothing much has changed about them. Mark’s still got his round, doe-like eyes that everyone can’t help but fall for, albeit they are a little weathered with age. Donghyuck still has his youthful, mischievous aura around him, even if he’s approaching his mid-thirties. 

They order, and chat about the basics as they wait for their food. They talk about Donghyuck’s job, Jeno’s job, and Mark’s position as a stay-at-home producer and dad.

Jeno picks at the bread of his sandwich, “How is Lila doing, by the way? I feel like I haven’t seen her in years.” 

“That’s because you and Renjun never come visit,” Donghyuck simpers, but his tone is soft. It always is when his little girl is mentioned. 

“She’s doing great. The other day, she dragged me and Mark out of bed to watch the first snowfall.” Donghyuck grips his coffee cup with a small smile. “She’s so cute.”

Mark grins, “I thought you called her a heathen for waking you up at five in the morning.”

“Oh, you try being cheery at the moment a six year old wakes you up at ass o’clock.”

“I was!”

“Like hell you were!”

Jeno snickers at the couple’s antics. “You guys are still the same, even after all these years.”

Donghyuck flashes him a toothy grin, “Time only strengthens our love.”

Mark raises his eyebrows in a teasing manner, “Love? If you mean your love for slandering me, then sure.”

“Quiet, fool.”

Jeno laughs again, and a comfortable lull falls over the three friends as they finish up their meal. He glances at the clock, and finds that their meal has been well over two hours long. 

He drums his fingers on top of the table, “Hey, I really hate to cut our reunion short, but I need to go now.”

Donghyuck looks at the clock and takes in Jeno’s attire. He smirks and wiggles his eyebrows, “You and Renjun have a date tonight?”

Jeno rolls his eyes, “No, but Chenle and Jisung are visiting tonight. That’s not the reason I need to leave though.” He bites his lip, “I’m going to visit Jaemin today.”

Silence falls over the table. Donghyuck’s face softens, and Mark grips his hands, rubbing soothing circles into his skin.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Mark whispers, and Jeno nods.

“Six years.”

Donghyuck leans back in his chair, gently pulling his hands out of Mark’s grip. “Wow,” he breathes, “has it really been that long?”

Jeno nods again, and the air is filled with silence once more. 

A few seconds pass before Donghyuck speaks up. “I actually had a feeling you would visit Nana today. I wrote him a letter.” Donghyuck pulls out a manila colored envelope from his coat pocket, and presses it into Jeno’s waiting hand. “Please deliver it to him for me?”

Jeno looks down at the envelope, the name  _ Na Jaemin _ scrawled on it in Donghyuck’s messy handwriting. Swallowing back his emotions, he nods, promising to deliver the written page of love and care.

He bids his friends goodbye, and promises to visit them and Lila at their home some day. 

“Bring Injun with you next time too,” Donghyuck says. “I miss that bitch.”

Jeno snorts, but Donghyuck’s matter-of-fact attitude doesn’t bother him. He knows Donghyuck actually really misses Renjun. In fact, he was disappointed when Jeno had told him Renjun wouldn’t be able to make their lunch appointment because of errands.

He waits until Mark and Donghyuck leave in their car before walking to the nearest bus station, finally on his way to his last destination.

But first, he stops at a florist shop.

Jeno steps off the steps of the bus, a bouquet of flowers and Donghyuck’s letter held tightly in his hands. The air is chilly, even for January, and Jeno shivers a little as he wraps his coat around him a little tighter. 

Although he hasn’t been here recently, he’s walked the path many times before in the past to know exactly where he’s going. He walks past the knobby tree, the beautiful bed of flowers before finally stopping by next to a familiar round gravestone.

“Hey Nana,” he whispers, and gently places the flowers on the ground. 

_ Na Jaemin: best friend, son, and lover. _

“How have you been?” Jeno squats next to the stone and gently strokes the top of it. “I’m sorry I haven’t come back to see you often. I’ve been a bit busy with getting promoted and all that. But I suppose you know.” He chuckles and wipes a small tear away from his cheek. 

He picks up the little picture frame in front of the stone, smiling slightly at the two boys in the frame. It’s of him and Jaemin, taken about a year before the car accident. It was Jaemin’s favorite picture of them, taken on an airplane on their first trip together. Jaemin had the spontaneous idea of filming a vlog and Jeno, too whipped to say anything else, agreed. Right before signing out, Jaemin had reached over and planted a kiss on Jeno’s cheek. A small smile appears on Jeno’s face as he tenderly touches the youthful, mischievous face of 25-year-old Jaemin and his own shocked expression.

Sighing, he gently places the frame back where it belongs. “I’ve missed you,” Jeno admits. “I always believe that although you’re not here, you’re still somehow... _ here _ , watching over all of us, being the doting mother hen you always were. When Jisung got into the country’s most prestigious dance company? That was you, wasn’t it? And when Mark and Donghyuck were finally able to adopt Lila...Jaem, they were so happy.”

The cemetery is filled with the sounds of other families paying respects to their loved ones. Little kids place small wild flowers onto the smooth stones of their grandparents, and adults stand by the graves of their mothers or fathers. No one is paying any attention to the boy next to the gravestone of his first love.

Jeno sniffs and wipes his eyes. “Six years Jaem…it’s been six years since you’ve passed. I still miss you, everyday. You were my first love, you know. It’s not easy to move on from that.” He shifts his legs, so he’s sitting next to Jaemin’s gravestone. 

“I was so broken, when you left. I blamed myself a lot. Could I have made a difference? What if I had called earlier, and made sure you were safe earlier? I think about that every day.”

He pauses, trying to come up with words to say. Even in death, Jaemin still renders Jeno speechless at times. Jeno sighs, bringing his gaze to the sky. “For a while, I did feel guilty for moving on, as well. I know you told me not to, but we both know I’ve never been the best at listening.” He chuckles. “But, eventually, the blame and guilt subsided, and Renjun as a lover has been like a dream. Oh! He says hi, by the way.” He pauses to rearrange his flowers, even though they were already meticulously organized. 

Jeno sighs and gently rests his head on his arms. “I guess what I’m trying to say is...thank you. For everything, Jaem. Thank you for being so caring, both in and out of life. All of us are so thankful for everything you’ve done with and for us. Hell, Donghyuck even wrote you a letter and we both know he  _ hates  _ letters because they’re ‘too sappy.’”

He carefully sets the envelope onto the ground, and finds a nearby rock to weigh it down with. 

He breathes in the crisp winter air and stares out into the distance. The cemetery is filled with a faint orange glow, and most of the other families have left. Belatedly, Jeno realizes how late it’s gotten as the sun just peaks its head over the horizon ever so slightly.

“I should go soon. Chenle and Jisung are coming over for dinner. This is the first time they’ve been over in almost two months, so I’d better not miss it.”

He stands up and brushes himself off. A small, melancholic smile makes its way across his face. “I love you, Nana. Take care,” he whispers, and touches the top of the stone once more before turning around and walking away.

A breeze blows past the disappearing figure, and leaves dance across the grave of a young boy once full of love and laughter. Somewhere, a boy with eyes like stars and a smile like the sun whispers back, “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> i always get really nervous after posting a work of mine so i’m just gonna ~disappear~
> 
> thank you for reading! please leave a kudos and/or a comment if you enjoyed!
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/purenjunnn)


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